contemplative

so, things happen in life that shake you up and the next thing you realize is that you are so lost in life. you never know what's going to happen next. you don't know when its your time to go, or anyone. but when things happen to make you take a step back and look at your life like its a movie in the makings, its kind of scary. i step back and think, what would i do if someone i loved died? and i had no warning or anything, just one day i get a call and it seems like the world ended. is that how its going to feel? what if one day i get a call that tells me that my son just killed himself? or a call that my little sister just got hit by a car, and didn't make it? what would i do? death is a scary thing. its actually my biggest fear. not just me dying, but my parents dying, my siblings, my friends. and what if before anyone close to me died, we had just had a fight, or i forgot to tell them that i love them. i don't know if i could live with myself. well i think i probably could, but it would be hard and i would regret it for the rest of my life. but what is death but being reborn. it helps to know the things i do. to have been raised with such an understanding of life. it makes me not so afraid.